Evidence that Fran didn't get thrown out of all her lessons

My daughter’s making Bakewell slices for my book launch party tomorrow. ‘Are you using ready-made pastry?’ I said. Her horrified reaction reminded me of Mrs Gough.

Mrs Gough was my cookery teacher at the Warwickshire school I attended in the 1970s. I misbehaved for many of my teachers but I enjoyed her practical subject and, unlike my maths teacher and French teacher, she usually let me stay in the room for the entire lesson.

I think they called her subject 'Home Economics' or ‘Domestic Science’ officially but it was 'Cookery' to all of us.

Now the subject is called Food Technology or Food Science or How to Grow Up Without Knowing How to Make A Stew. There is cookery involved, but there's also much scientific theory, assessment of nutrition, costing of dishes, market research, and other sub-topics that Mrs Gough would have sniffed at.

No, Mrs Gough was all about the pastry - puff, buttery rough puff, tough puff, shortcrust, longcrust, flaky, tough-flaky, choux buns and eclairs, puffy and otherwise.

She was all about the bread - white bread, wholemeal bread, seedy bread and seedless, loaves and rolls and twists and turns and bread risen so high it stuck to the roof of the oven.

She taught us how to make soups, and stews, and casseroles, and pies, pies, so many pies, and how to mash potatoes so that they forgot their former selves and fluffed up creamy and delicious.

She showed us how to chop and slice and peel and dice, once, twice and thrice.

I did not impress Mrs Gough, however. ‘What are you DOING, girl?' she would yell to me across the school kitchen. 'You're making a SOUP, not a SWAMP! Add more stock!'

'How many times have I said, DON'T slam the oven door while the cake is in there?'

'This isn't choux pastry! This is glue! The Art Department would kill for glue like this!'

I did impress her once but only via deceit.

I’d noticed, on looking in the ovens where two loaves were cooking, that mine - on the middle shelf - was not rising, whereas my schoolmate's - on the top shelf - was. I opened the oven door and swapped them round, receiving rare praise from Mrs G later on my impressively-domed bread.

I've felt guilty about that over the years. Sorry, Jackie Smith, that your loaf was sunken in the middle as though someone had sat in it.

I should also apologise to Mrs Gough that, although I’ve retained many of the skills she taught me, I reach so readily for the ready-made bought pastry and haven’t made my own for years.

My daughter, on the other hand, would impress her.

Inside Fran’s Diary

The launch party for ‘Home Bird’ is (at time of writing, TOMORROW!) Thursday 20 March at Waterstones Leamington Spa from 6.30-8.30pm. Do you live nearby? Do you want to come and BE nearby? You have one day to sign up and I would love to see you. Here’s the link!

On Wednesday 2 April at 10.15am, I’m speaking at Warwick Library about my books and writing. Free event AND you get a cuppa and a biscuit.

We also have a date for another ‘Home Bird’ event in April, kindly hosted by the lovely Warwick Books. It’s on the evening of Tuesday 29 April and details are right here Please come along, and even better if you’ve read the book by then and have QUESTIONS!

Thursday 3 April at 7.30pm, I’m chairing a Warwickshire Society of Authors event about literary festivals and what they can offer to local authors. Members and non-members welcome. Come along and listen to Jacci Gooding who runs the brilliant South Warwickshire Literary Festival each year.

Saturday 5 April, I’m womanning a stall at Banbury Book Fair selling copies of Cuckoo in the Nest and the spanking-new Home Bird. Free admission (as in, you don’t have to pay, not, they expect you to share random things you’ve done wrong)

If you want more details about these events, you must/could/can/might let me know.