Evidence of Fran being 'down to earth'

While I was eating my Bran Flakes yesterday, one fell off my spoon and, as I couldn’t find it on the floor, I can only assume it landed somewhere in my clothes. No doubt it will make an appearance from my cardigan at some point, perhaps while I’m speaking at a library event or leading the prayers at church. It will emerge from a fold and float to the ground, leisurely, like an autumn leaf in a breeze, leaving people to wonder why Fran is shedding her skin like a lizard does, piece by piece.

It wouldn’t be the first time that bits have fallen off me. I have already written a post about sloughing off skin cells here but don’t read it if you’re currently eating oatmeal.

Also, years ago, while staying in a hotel that offered therapy treatments, I had a peat bath one afternoon. This meant climbing into a bathtub, prepared for me by a therapy assistant, that looked as though it was filled with water and soil, like a huge deep puddle in a field. This is possibly because it was filled with water and soil, like a huge deep puddle in a field.

The therapist assured me that bathing in peat would be detoxifying, invigorating, immunity-boosting, muscle-relaxing and anti-inflammatorying.

Perhaps I didn’t stay in it long enough to receive the full effects. I did my best, but there’s something about lying in a swampy bog and thinking, ‘Hippos would actually love this’ that is far from therapeutic.

I towelled myself down afterwards but it was hard to ignore the amount of peat that had stuck to me. A thin layer of it appeared on the bathroom floor around my feet.

One forgets how many nooks and crannies the human body has. Well, the aftermath of a peat bath is one way to remember. For the rest of the day - during dinner, and afterwards during an arts workshop where we explored watercolours - the peat on my body gradually dried, and every time I moved, clumps of it fell from me and out of my clothing.

I hoped no one was watching. They didn’t mention it but then how do you say to someone, ‘Are you suffering a personal landslide?’ without offending them?

In some ways, though, it was home from home, because I live with a man whose profession is gardening and whose clothes shed vegetable matter daily. He does his best to shake it all off before he comes in from work but, as he walks into the house, our carpets and floors become confettied with leaves, tiny twigs, other flora and maybe, as a bonus, fauna.

I do vacuum once or twice a week but it’s not enough and, anyway, he hates being hoovered like that and makes a massive fuss.

Inside Fran’s Diary

On Thursday 12 December I’ll be at Waterstones in Leamington as one of the authors taking part in their Christmas evening According to the description, there will be authors filled with mince pies the evening will be filled with authors, mince pies, games and lots of festive fun!

On Thursday 9 January 2025(!), I’ll be in conversation with another Warwickshire writer S C Skillman for an in-person event entitled ‘The Past in Fact and Fiction’. This is a joint venture between Leamington Literary Society, the Leamington Society and the Warwickshire Society of Authors. It’s only £2.50 for non-members - contact Chairman Trevor Humphreys about tickets - Tel: 01926 887838

I have two more library talks booked in for 2025 - one at Warwick Library in April and one in September in Alcester. Keep an eye out for details or, given that it’s easier to watch out for details with two eyes, keep them both in.