Reasons why Fran can smell chocolate

I’m not a fan of breezes. But at least, in the winter, a feisty whippy pest-of-a-breeze is to be expected. Sport your big coat, turn up your collar, pull your woolly hat down further, wear two pairs of gloves, and you have half a chance of reaching home with the ten fingers and toes with which you left the house. And, if you don’t, and two or three of your frostbitten digits now lie in the park under an oak tree, being sniffed at by a Labrador, you gave it a go.

In the spring, you get the March winds, but mostly they’re fresh and green, if breezes have colours, and they come with the promise of lambsies and Easter and cheeky daffodils nodding away at their own jokes.

In the autumn, the blowy days come dressed in oranges and reds and each leaf that zigzags its way down from a tree says, ‘Can you smell that spiced wine on the breeze?’ and ‘There’s a touch of woodsmoke in the wind, no?’ or ‘What’s the betting those little buggers across the road start setting off fireworks mid-October?’

However, it’s now summer in the UK, and the last few days have been a) hot and b) windy. The weather can’t decide whether it wants to a) roast me or b) puff at me.

As I write, I realise that I am describing an air fryer. Isn’t that how they work? If I stood outside for long enough in the hot windy weather, would I be soft on the inside but crispy on the outside, like a giant roast potato but with hair and toenails?

It’s not a pleasant sensation, the high temperature/gust of air combo. Should I wish to have hot air puffed unpleasantly into my face, I could spend half an hour with a hairdryer, or go round the back of Subway in search of the ventilator outlet, or visit the House of Commons.

Anyway, I have a sunburned nose today, having forgotten how much time I’d be spending outside, because heat + wind = a nose like a cherry tomato.

I’ve lathered it with cocoa butter because, if you’ve burned your nose, you might as well be able to smell chocolate while it heals.

Inside Fran’s Diary

Book 3 in the Jackie Chadwick series has gone off to be Looked At and Considered for Publication. I’ve added the capital letters in case they make things more likely.

By the way, ‘Cuckoo in the Nest’ is still £1.79 on Kindle

Saturday 2 August - a ‘Saturday signing’ at Kenilworth Books in Warwickshire, signing copies of ‘Home Bird’ from 10.30am - 1.30pm. These are always lovely events, spending a morning in a bookshop and chatting to customers. Come and say hello!

Monday 15 September - A free morning event at Alcester Library, in conversation about my books and writing, hosted by Warwickshire Libraries.

Thursday 11 December - a morning talk about ‘Finding the Funny’ to the wonderful Probus Club. They meet at Leamington Rugby Club and when I visited them last year to talk about ‘Language Change’ they were kind enough to laugh at my jokes so this year they’ve invited me to talk about how to make a joke funny. This had better go well.