Evidence that English teachers never retire

Do you know about modal verbs? It doesn't matter if you don’t. It's not like not knowing that green means go and red means stop, or that a wasp on the rim of your glass isn’t a good sign, or that you should never take your earrings off above a sink, or ask for advice from a doctor whose office plants are dead.

I do know about modal verbs, but that's because I am a retired English teacher, not because I woke up one day saying, 'Hey, I know what's missing from my life! No wonder I've been feeling low.'

An English teacher colleague always taught modal verbs using the Beverley Knight song 'Shoulda Woulda Coulda'. If you didn't know already what modal verbs were, does that give you a clue?

Quick definition: Modal verbs are verbs that indicate choice, likelihood, ability, permission or obligation. Here’s a list of the most common.

can/could

may/might

will/would

shall/should

must

I used to teach my classes modal verbs when I gave out the homework tasks.

‘If I tell you that you MUST do this homework by tomorrow, how likely are you to do it? Hold up your fingers to show your answer out of 10.’

‘If I tell you that you COULD do your homework by tomorrow?’

‘You SHOULD?’

‘You MIGHT?’

They got the idea.

Beverley Knight’s song has me wondering what other songs contain modal verbs. What would happen if a different modal had been chosen?

Celine Dion's heart might have gone on. But might not.

The Rolling Stones might have sung 'I Shouldn't Get No Satisfaction' and their scanning would have been out of synch to add to the pre-existing grammar problems.

Boys II Men might have sung 'I Might Make Love to You' instead of 'I Will Make Love to You' and may not have got the chance to make love at all, with that kind of shilly-shallying.

Pete Seeger would have discovered that singing 'We Could Overcome' didn't draw the crowds so much.

Whitney Houston's 'I Must Always Love You' would have been a song you'd sing to an aunt you tolerated at Christmas or a farty mongrel you impulsively took on when a friend turned out to be allergic.

And those frilly ladies doing the can-can in Paris could have been in all kinds of trouble.

Can you think of any others? Let me know in the comments.

Inside Fran’s Diary

The launch party for ‘Home Bird’ is on Thursday 20 March at Waterstones Leamington Spa from 6.30-8.30pm. Do you live nearby? Do you want to come and BE nearby? I would love to see you. Here’s the link!

On Wednesday 2 April at 10.15am, I’m speaking at Warwick Library about my books and writing. Free event AND you get a cuppa and a biscuit.

We also have a date for another ‘Home Bird’ event in April, kindly hosted by the lovely Warwick Books. It’s on the evening of Tuesday 29 April and details are right here Please come along, and even better if you’ve read the book by then and have QUESTIONS!

Thursday 3 April at 7.30pm, I’m chairing a Warwickshire Society of Authors event about literary festivals and what they can offer to local authors. Members and non-members welcome. Come along and listen to Jacci Gooding who runs the brilliant South Warwickshire Literary Festival each year.

Saturday 5 April, I’m womanning a stall at Banbury Book Fair selling copies of Cuckoo in the Nest and the spanking-new Home Bird. Free admission (as in, you don’t have to pay, not, they expect you to share random things you’ve done wrong)

If you want more details about these events, you must/could/can/might let me know.