A mini-story for you

I wrote this when taking part in a workshop. I think the theme we were given was ‘miscommunication’.

Whispers

It was 3pm. Joanna, sitting next to her husband Ray on a sofa, looked round at her family, inert in post-Sunday-lunch positions.

Opposite, on another two-seater, were Grandma and Grandpa P. Grandpa P’s head was proving too heavy for his neck and he’d undone two trouser buttons.

In one armchair sat old Auntie Maisie, a blanket over her lap, and in the other, Joanna’s teenage daughter Rebecca, cross-legged and sulking because of a phone ban.

It was time to intervene. Joanna put aside her crossword. ‘Let’s play Chinese Whispers.’

Rebecca said, ‘You can’t call it that. It’s racist.’

‘Is it?’ Joanna said.

‘Mum, you’re so ancient.’

‘What’s it called now, then?’

‘Don’t call it anything. I don’t want to play, anyway. I hate family games.’

‘You hate everything, darling,’ intoned Ray.

‘We might as well,’ Joanna said, ‘unless anyone fancies a walk.’

No one responded.

‘I’ll start,’ said Joanna. ‘Let me think. Oh, I know.’ She leaned towards her husband and whispered, ‘I’m going to have another baby.’

Ray patted her and laughed. She was always so self-deprecating about her cooking.

He hauled himself up and walked over to Grandma P, bending towards her. Into her ear, he hissed, ‘I’m going to have to do better gravy.’

‘Oooh!’ Grandma P said, clearly scandalised.

She leaned over to her husband, whose chin was on his chest. ‘Wake up, Fred! We’re playing a game!’

‘What?’ he said, his head coming back up. He blinked.

She leaned over and said in his ear, ‘He’s going to have to do it to a lady.’

‘What for?’ he said. ‘We’ve always been quite happy with Robert Dyas.’

‘Pass it on, Fred,’ she said.

‘What?’

‘Tell Maisie what I just told you.’

‘Why would she be interested?’ he said. ‘She pays a Polish girl to do her cleaning. Maisie wouldn’t know a mop if someone stuck it -.’

‘Just say it! WE’RE PLAYING CHINESE WHISPERS.’

‘Oh,’ he said, understanding arriving on his forehead. ‘Why didn’t you say that?’

‘Because it’s racist?’ Rebecca said but no one paid attention.

Grandpa P struggled up from the sofa, his wife giving his buttocks a push so that he managed it first time, and limped over to his sister Maisie. He held on to his trouser waistband with one hand.

‘We’re playing Chinese Whispers,’ he told her.

‘I know,’ Maisie said. ‘I caught on about ten minutes before you did.’ She stretched towards him so that he could reach her ear.

He said into it, ‘We’re going to get a Betterware lady.’

‘Right,’ she said. ‘Got it.’

He said, ‘Now you go and tell Rebecca what I just told you.’

‘I’m aware of the rules,’ she said, bristling.

He plumped back onto the sofa so heavily that his wife shot up an inch or two on her side.

‘I’ll come over to you, Auntie,’ Rebecca said. She was battling her sulk and Joanna loved her for it.

Into Rebecca’s ear, Maisie whispered, her hand cupped around her mouth, ‘We know you’re better than Paul O’Grady.’

Rebecca straightened up ‘I think I heard it right,’ she said.

‘You’re probably too young to know who he is,’ Maisie said.

‘Then I didn’t hear right,’ Rebecca said. ‘Can you tell me again?’

‘It’s against the rules!’ Grandpa P said, getting into the swing as the game was ending.

‘Come and repeat what she said,’ Joanna said. ‘Then I’ll do the big reveal.’

Rebecca bent towards her mother and said in her ear, ‘We know you’re getting a bit more lazy.’ She went back to her chair.

‘Oh, I heard that loud and clear,’ Joanna said. ‘Now, that’s quite funny.’

‘Why?’ said Ray. ‘What did she say?’

‘She said you know I’m getting a bit more lazy.’

‘What happened to Paul O’Grady?’ Maisie said.

‘What about Paul O’Grady?’ Fred said.

His wife dug him in the ribs. ‘Nothing,’ she said. ‘I’d honestly rather you went back to sleep.’

Joanna said to them all with more announcement in her voice, ‘It’s funny because being lazy won’t be an option soon.’

‘What do you mean?’ said Rebecca.

‘As I said to your dad,’ Joanna said, ‘I’m going to have another baby.’

And they all stared.

***

I hope you enjoyed the story! Let me know in the comments.

Let me tell you, perhaps against your will, the latest news.

Inside Fran’s Diary

The launch party for ‘Home Bird’ is now fixed for Thursday 20 March at Waterstones Leamington Spa from 6.30-8.30pm. Do you live nearby? Are you able to come along? Make sure you book your place as numbers are limited. Here’s the link!

We also have a date for a public event the next month, kindly hosted by the lovely Warwick Books. I’d love to see you there if you’re nearby. It’s on the evening of Tuesday 29 April and details are right here

Other things coming up fast.

2 April, speaking at Warwick Library about my books.

5 April, womanning a stall at Banbury Book Fair selling copies of Cuckoo in the Nest and the spanking-new Home Bird.

If you want more details about these events, no one will judge you. Just message me.